Men Mentoring Men

Men Mentoring Men encourages men to live the best of masculinity and in my talks and workshops I advocate living inside a “compelling masculinity.”  So it’s fair ask the following two questions. What do these ideas mean? And why do they matter? This article will begin to explore a response to these questions and in the process will undoubtedly raise others. It is my hope that these opinions stimulate your interest to enter a conversation about masculinity and self-examine what living inside a “compelling masculinity” means to you.

The notion of the “best of masculinity” infers duality. It assumes the “worst of masculinity” is in opposition of the “best of masculinity” and men ought to choose to live within the former and work against the latter.  In a larger sense, the best or worst of masculinity may be nothing less then humanity acted out by men within culturally defined gender specific roles. For our discussion, the best of masculinity includes the behaviors (shaped by biology, customs, rituals and cultural expectations) that increase the probability of living a higher quality life for oneself and others. The best of masculinity occurs when a man behaves in a creative, inter-connected and responsible manner. In order to tap into the best of masculinity a man needs to be living inside powerful questions that open possibilities and to be critical of assumptions that limit creative living. For example, this may be demonstrated when he supports and comforts a friend, puts his life on the line for others, pursues intimacy with his family
or makes business decisions that reach beyond a narrow self-interest. The possibilities to act within the best of masculinity are limitless and continuously renewed but often curtailed by the prevailing cultural ideas that define what it means to be a man.

We are gender born. That fact requires no judgment. A culturally inspired masculinity or femininity, however, is open to critical review. One can argue that masculinity is neither good nor bad. It’s the behavior of men that can be judged as working or not working toward the greater good while increasing the quality of one’s life. Indeed, some thought leaders believe it’s not even legitimate to speak of masculinity as a singular concept but suggest that masculinity can only be defined within the framework of innumerable “masculinity”. The notion of masculinity allows for the pluralism of masculinity and creates a huge net to hold the vast array of male behaviors, traditions, and cultural conditions.

For researchers and theorists the study of men and masculinity is complex and filled with nuance. Men Mentoring Men, however, has adopted a pragmatic and utilitarian notion of the best of masculinity and what it means for a man to possess a “compelling masculinity.” A compelling man living the best of masculinity can be described as follows:

He strives to… become self-aware of his light and shadow, protect the equity of women and celebrate gender differences, possess the courage and language to express emotions, live with vision and purpose, exploit his skills and talents, embrace intimacy, neither avoid or instigate conflict, contribute to the betterment of his community, value the welfare of others, respect his connection to the earth and other living creatures and view his life as a creative force upon which he acts with honor. The best of masculinity is one that promotes happiness, connectedness, responsibility, curiosity, action and creativity.

If you attend any M3 meeting or event, the conversation, support, care and encouragement shared between the men will tap one or many of the characteristics described above. This has been true no matter a man’s race, color, creed, or sexual orientation. It is consistent because it supports a masculinity that works for us all and benefits the people we influence. It’s a masculinity that has room for all sorts of behavioral variations held together by consistent ideals. It’s a masculinity that is culturally flexible and resistant to polarization and extremism. The M3 definition of a “compelling masculinity” heals shame by promoting pride in being a man based upon intention and effort to increase a deep and meaningful participation in life. M3 initiates a man into the man’s world by affirming his adequacy and encouraging his unique personal and inter-personal talents and skills.

To be continued …