Men Mentoring Men

The previous entry into this journal reported the first part of the conversation between Ed Adams, founder of Men Mentoring Men and the personified David sculpted by the artist, Michelangelo Buonarroti.

As you may recall, David appeared to Ed in the early morning hours of July, 2, 2004 and stayed until the conversation about men and the meaning of masculinity was complete. This is the second and final part of that astonishing conversation.

Ed: “David, you have become so real to me. Earlier in this conversation you told me how much you want to experience the full life of a man and not some pretend idealized image of masculinity. How did you learn about being a man and the ways of the world.”? How did you become conscious?

David: “Good question. For a long time I was stuck in stone. To understand what it means to be stuck in stone, imagine yourself in a coma. You are alive but asleep.”

Ed: “Yes, you think that you are living but your not. There is no true awareness of experience. Life happens without much thought, feeling or connectedness. A man functions like an emotional zombie.”

David: “Yes, your inner life is made of stone.”

Ed: “How did you wake up?”

David: “It was my wounds. My great awakening came out of my wounds. And then it was love”

Ed: “Wow, that’s interesting. Your inner life evolved out of wounds and love?

David: “For a very long time, I was a largely discarded hunk of marble. Then, Michelangelo decided to work on me. His passion for me was so persistent and strong that I began to believe in my value. Michelangelo saw something in me that was beyond my own vision of myself. Despite the fact that I was formless, he saw beauty.”

I began to wake up. I discovered I was capable of feelings, desires, goodness and beauty. And I found out that I had a side of me that felt fear, anger, jealousy, and rage. No matter what I unearthed in myself, I was able to give it back to Michelangelo. In truth, it also tapped his interior world and our relationship became quite dynamic. Indeed, It was a frantic and wonderful time filled with a range of feelings and experiences I never thought possible.

Ed: “Is that the love part of your transformation?”.

David: “Yes, it was the beginning. Once I became aware of his passion for me, I had to believe in my worth. Trust it. Own it. Then, I had to learn to love.”

Ed: “I bet you had to face demons far stronger then Goliath.”

David: “Yes, because what happened next confused me. Michelangelo began to destroy me.

Ed: “Let me get this straight. Your interior life was awakened by Michelangelo’s love. You started to wake, believe in your worth and feel alive and then he began to destroy you? How does that make sense?”

David: “The destruction happened with relentless blows of his hammer and deep rips of the chisel into my skin. Pieces of me were removed. Life as I had known for generations changed. Michelangelo wounded me, yet transformed me into the David I am.”

Ed: “Did you ever get angry at Michelangelo for hurting you”?

David: “Yes. One time I dropped a six pound chunk of me on his head. It hit his back and laid him up for days. At first I felt the satisfaction of revenge but then… I felt ashamed of myself.”

Ed “Ashamed? Why”?

David: “Michelangelo knew better then I that to make something beautiful there must be wound. Some level of destruction, pain, and sacrifice. I felt ashamed for being weak and fragile. I wanted to be a man without the process of becoming a man. And I felt shame for hurting someone who was so necessary in my life.”

Ed: “So wounds inform. They tell you about character. Wounds deepen. Wounds permit trust. Allow change. Create intimacy. Encourage acceptance. Provoke thought. Spawn wisdom.” Is that right?

David: “Yes.” The bottom line is this. To become a man, a man who lives within the fullness of his masculinity, is a profound and sometimes lonely journey. Love and wound are two of the most potent forms of life transformation. When a man is alive to these experiences he has an opportunity to become wise, powerful, loving, and creative. And a man who lives in those parts of himself can change the world.”

Ed: “Indeed. I feel so sad that there are so many unhappy men. Men filled with rage, greed and indifference. Why is that?’

David: “I suppose there are many reasons Ed, but many men cut off love and live only in the pain of wound; they can not release to its wisdom. These men blame and seek revenge. Hurting themselves and others is the only way their world makes sense. This is the worst of masculinity.”

Ed: “I have often said that to change the world for the better, you have to change men. And on this point we agree. The best of masculinity is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Maybe that is what Michelangelo was trying to say.”

David: “I believe that is true. It humbles me but it gives my life dignity and purpose. It brings out my best. That is why I look so confident in my showdown with Goliath. The best of masculinity is more triumphant then the worst.”

Ed: “David, I am sad because it is near sunrise and I know you have to go. I miss you already.”

David: “You may not realize how much pleasure talking about all of this with you has given me Ed…I will miss you too. But remember that we are only a thought away and that everything we discussed or want to explore about our masculinity can be found in the company of men. We gave each other the gift of intimacy and the love we have for each other is part of us. So come and visit me in Florence. And when you do, look deep into my eyes and I will give you a wink.”